THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
