i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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