i already hear my dad disowning me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
