i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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