My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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