it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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