I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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