apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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