At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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