Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
