You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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