You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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