you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
