i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
