Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
