Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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