My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
