Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
