All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
