So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
