Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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