Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
