Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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