so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
