It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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