omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
