You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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