Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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