last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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