i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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