the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
