A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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