mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
