I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
