what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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