You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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