I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
