Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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