Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
