good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The ass gains better be worth it
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