My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
