The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
