Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
