So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
