who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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