That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize