The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
