When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
