Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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