i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
where are my eyebrows?
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