Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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