hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
