My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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