Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
