someone owes me an orgasm
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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