I wanna bring you to show and tell
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
