Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
