I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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