Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
