A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
