i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
