just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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