im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
