Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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